Becoming Happy in 10 Easy Steps

not really, but sort of; just bear with the gimmicky title

Mar 19, 2026

Audio voiceover available here for paid subs!

Scientists love talking about happiness. But if you study what they say about it, you’ll find a lot of contradictions.

For example, every couple years a new study comes out about how getting married and having kids boosts your happiness. And also every couple years, another study comes out that says staying single and childless and grinding away at your career is the best way to find happiness.1

This is why it’s smart stay a little skeptical when someone says “this study says.”

Not because all research is shoddy, but because it’s really hard to produce a finding that’s true for everyone, everywhere, all the time, across the universe.

The economist Alex Edmans highlights how this happens a lot with studies about creativity. Sometimes a new article comes out saying, “Research shows that a messy office space is a sign of creativity,” and then another comes out saying “Study shows that geniuses maintain a tidy workspace.”2

Both can be true because a small survey showed that they were true—but it’s literally impossible to prove something this arbitrary as “true” for all people at all places at all times.

In a much more troubling example, Brian Nosek rounded up 270 researchers to try to reproduce 100 studies from the world’s top three academic psych journals.3 What they found was shocking: they could only reproduce 36% of the studies. And even the ones they reproduced showed weaker results than the original studies claimed.

Meaning: POSSIBLY HALF OF ALL STUDIES DON’T ACTUALLY PROVE ANYTHING.

Which is why, even though I love studies, I try to use them more as analogies that can inch us toward the truth rather than as the truth itself.

However, I’m a big fan of “meta-analyses”—which are basically studies of studies. They take a pile of peer-reviewed research about a similar subject and then see if they can come to any definitive conclusions when looking at what they say as a whole.

Here’s a couple basic truths about the world that meta-analyses have found:

It’s not good to be lonely.
Prosocial acts (basically, acting generously toward others) are good for you.4
Humans have an impressive resilience toward traumatic experiences.5
The American voter has a uniquely low level of political knowledge (this isn’t a snarky joke, check the footnote).6

Nothing groundbreaking—but they’re nice reminders.

Now, I’ve been ramping up to a point thus far, and now that ramp ends. There was a huge analysis a few years back that teamed up 18 of the top happiness researchers from around the world to reassess this universal question: what should we do to become happy?7

It’s super fascinating; given that the 18 researchers all had their hand in some happiness meta-analysis at some point throughout their careers, this study was almost like a meta-analysis of meta-analyses (and now it’s time to retire that word for the rest of this article).

So these 18 leading happiness experts boiled down all their expertise into 68 key strategies for becoming happier.

Here are the top 10, modified slightly for the theological angle.8

10 Ways to Become Happier

The researchers broke up their recommendations into a few different categories:

1. Connect with family and friends.

When we’re in a good mood and want to celebrate, the average American’s first thought is: let’s buy something.

It’s not entirely our fault; we see roughly 8,000 ads per day, many of which show humans happily using products, insinuating that we’re incomplete without whatever they’re selling. Ads are a way stronger formational machine than we give them credit for.

However, if we’re looking to celebrate or boost our happiness, we actually have a perfect example in Luke’s Gospel. Like the woman who sweeps her house all day looking for a coin (Luke 15:8-10), the best way to keep joy flowing is by inviting people over (or going out, if your house is too disorganized at present thanks to your pipes bursting and ruining half of it—which may be based on a true personal story).

Even though our go-to for letting good times roll is buying stuff, it’s much (much) wiser to treat our happiness impulse by investing in relationships.

We apparently don’t even need to do anything extravagant—just cutting out unnecessary clutter in our daily schedules (checking email, putting in extra hours at the office, refreshing the Substack app way too much, etc.) does wonders.

Your future eulogy will not include things like “Grinded a lot,” “Stared at their phone frequently,” or “Put in more hours than their coworkers.” Instead, your eulogy will consist of memories of how much you loved and cared for those closest to you. Live in such a way that makes for a good eulogy, not just a good resume.

George Vaillant, one of the researchers behind the famous Harvard Study of Adult Development summarized almost a century of research on human well-being like this: “Happiness is love. Full stop.”9

It makes sense; in God’s presence is fullness of joy (Ps. 16:11). And what is God? Love (1 John 4:16).

2. Join a club.

Have you ever wondered why The Breakfast Club is such a classic?

It’s because it’s 90 minutes of catharsis. Strangers come together, work through their problems and insecurities as a unit, and find that, in spite of all the things they felt self-conscious about, they all still like each other.

For a world that’s increasingly lonely, stories like this represent something we all crave: a community that lets you come as you are and they’ll still accept you. It’s sort of a metaphor for church (I think? Film analysis is best left to Paul Anleitner).

So “join a club” basically just means finding a group of people who speak your language—who share fascinations about the same niches.

Obviously, church is the best community. But beyond that, my friends and I built a book club. Less bookish friends joined a volleyball league. My mom volunteers at a food pantry.

You can even start a club via Inkwell Locals. Highly recommend. It was one of the funnest nights of my 2025.

We don’t really think of clubs as producers of happiness—but it turns out that they’re often where we feel the most belonging, and where we feel the most belonging is usually where we find ourselves happiest.

3. Make a habit of getting active (both mentally and physically).

Workouts—both the physical and mental kind—are preposterously good for us.

We don’t have to morph our whole personality into “gym” or populate our IG with mirror pics. But a habit of moving our bodies is critical. And same thing goes for challenging our minds: whether it’s by creative problem solving, reading, or sudoko—mental exercise bulks up mental health.

This pairs nicely with David Mathis’ A Little Theology of Exercise and my recent post on the uncoddling of the Christian mind. Mathis argues that exercise is a wonderful way to care for the imago Dei of our bodies (so long as it’s not for vainglory or mogging); and I argue that our minds are a frontier we should train for the glory of God.10

4. Practice religion.

Obviously, I’d put this one at the top if I was in charge of the study—especially considering that the first three are enhanced through the Christian worldview.

It isn’t rocket science. Materialism and scientific naturalism aren’t all that compelling. Religion safeguards us from the terror of no purpose, no belonging, no metanarrative.

And even though there’s a lot of talk about how horribly atheistic our world is, the social sciences are surprisingly pro-religion. Jonathan Haidt, author of The Righteous Mind and The Anxious Generation, says his family attends synagogue every week even though he’s an atheist: he knows that religion is just plain good for us and for society.11 Various studies over the years have shown that religion lowers depression, anxiety, suicidality, loneliness, and even cardiovascular disease.12

Also, importantly: they mention that we should practice religion rather than just be religious. This is crucial—especially for Christians. As Dallas Willard put it, the promises of Christianity ring hollow to those who claim to follow but don’t actually follow.13

So for the Christian worldview, this involves any number of activities. Prayer, Scripture study and memorization, fasting, generosity, gathering for worship—these are among the happiest activities we could choose at any given moment.

Point is: life is boring without transcendence. We could use much more of it.

5. Act how a nice person would act.

Our culture glamorizes the idea of the disagreeable lone wolf hustling their way to success, stepping on other people’s heads to get up the ladder. Sadly, young men are given exactly these kinds of role models in the online space. Aggro-influencers like Andrew Tate or Clavicular attract thousands of young disciples through peddling a pseudo-heroism and distorted-masculinity that looks less like a brave Hercules rising to their culture’s challenges than a horrendously selfish Dionysus. It’s not only a hollow way to live—it’s horrible for our well-being.

Agreeableness, along with kindness, is usually seen as weakness—but it’s consistently, highly, and positively correlated with more happiness and a better overall life.

Oddly enough, even though the alpha archetype is usually who we assume gets the most jobs, promotions, and opportunities, the opposite is true: no one likes working with disagreeable people. So they tend to have less job opportunities and business partnerships (and community).

6. Do generous stuff.

The brain rewards us with more dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin when we perform acts of kindness than when we pursue self-oriented pleasures.

Now, generosity always sounds way better in theory until we arrive at this question: what if I’m embarrassingly broke at present thanks to the deductible our insurance required to fix our flooded house?

A very relatable question. Thankfully, generosity doesn’t just mean giving money; it’s also generosity of presence—basically, giving away our time.

Think about Jesus’ teaching from the Beatitudes: “Flourishing are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”14 Mercy isn’t just financial generosity. The crowds Jesus preached to were filled with people who literally didn’t have money to spare.15

This is why the Welsh minister Matthew Henry argued that if you couldn’t show mercy through financial giving, then you should show mercy by hanging out with people who need the company, sitting with those who are suffering, and being a joyful presence to whoever needs one.16

It’s the only beatitude that’s perfectly proportional: those who are merciful will flourish, and those who flourish are merciful.

7. Check your health.

Over the past month, I’ve had a lot of random stomach pain. Because I’m a melodramatic complainer, my wife suggested I get proactive and figure it out, thereby mitigating the complaining. So I started by subtracting random stuff from my diet until I found the culprit: a snack that had pumpkin seeds in it. For whatever reason (and apologies to Big Pumpkin Seed), it made my stomach twist up like a contortionist.

I use this ridiculous story because: if you notice something wrong with your health, do something about it. I feel so much better now, and it’s just because I stopped being stubborn and ignoring something that seemed off.

Same thing goes for mental health: if you’re experiencing chronic anxiety, don’t just pretend it away. Seek professional help, talk to friends, pray, see a spiritual director.

There are plenty of measures we can take to raise our standard of health. And it’s easier to focus and do good work in every area of our life if we’re functioning optimally.

8. Experience nature.

Carl Jung said that the “faculty for perceiving beauty in art and nature” was one of the basic factors that augments happiness in the human mind.17

Various studies have shown that spending time in a woods rather than an urban setting dramatically lowers stress, enhances memory, and increases positive emotions.

This is particularly beneficial for Jesus followers, since God uses His creation as a way to reveal His beauty, goodness, and design (Ps. 8, 19; Rom 1:20). But sadly, it’s something lots of Jesus followers take for granted.

I could ramble on for another 2,000 words, but I think Charles Spurgeon offers the best summary for why enjoying creation is part of our duty:

If I were a great artist, I should think it a very small compliment if my son came into my house, and said he would not notice the pictures I had painted, because he only wanted to think of me.
He therein would condemn my paintings, for if they were good for anything, he would be rejoiced to see my hand in them.
Oh, but surely, everything that comes from the hand of such a Master-artist as God has something in it of himself!
The Lord doth rejoice in his works, and shall not his people do so? He said of what he had made, “It is very good;” and he cannot be very good himself who thinks that which God makes is not very good. In this he contradicts his God.
It is a beautiful world we live in.18

9. Focus on the happiness of others.

As the Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl famously said, “Happiness cannot be pursued, it must ensue.”19 We can’t find happiness by pursuing it directly; it’s more like a welcome side effect that happens while we’re doing other meaningful things—focusing on God and the good of others, namely.

The philosopher Charles Taylor notes that even though modern people try to define ourselves apart from other people, we can’t fulfill ourselves without knitting ourselves into a web of relationships with other people.20 So by paying attention to the needs and wants of those around us, we find both identity and satisfaction.

Also, at 12 on this study’s list of happiness boosting activities is “volunteer.” So, taken together, one of the best way to boost your own happiness is by boosting the happiness of other people via volunteering. Caring for others will take you a whole lot farther than obsessing over self-care.

10. Keep learning.

This doesn’t just mean “read more books.” Learning in this sense is geared toward growth.

Through stretching ourselves, we stumble into “psychological richness.”21 It’s a kind of experiential happiness that comes from adventure, going out on a limb, challenging ourselves, moving across the world, taking a leap in a different kind of job, starting a new hobby, or committing to spiritual disciplines that stretch us. It’s why traveling to new cultures or picking up a new hobby can make us feel so alive.

It’s easy to stay in comfortable ruts. But the brain makes less memories that way. For example, when you’re a kid, it feels like everyday lasts a week and summer break lasts a year because every experience is so new to us. But as we get older, time feels like it goes faster because we automate our routines. We might spend 30 minutes each day driving to and from work, but that rarely clocks in with our longterm memory because there’s nothing new to register. It all becomes a blur. But if you try something new, plan a surprise trip, or join a new group, the experience feels weighty and significant simply because we’ve never experienced it before.

The richness of growth—or even the kind of joy that comes from enduring difficulty and coming out the other end stronger—is a necessary component of a happy life. We could even retitle this rule “stay curious.” You’ll live a better life if you do.

Happiness Isn’t Selfish

I know lots of people like to dichotomize joy and happiness, but the two are much more related than we give them credit for.

The idea that happiness is selfish and joy is righteous only really makes sense if we’re going off pop-definitions of happiness.

If we define happiness as maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain through pursuing dopamine loops and passive living, then yes—that’s definitely not much of a priority for us in God’s mind.

But a happiness that comes from living a rich, moral life that’s centered around Him and His kingdom is something followers of Jesus have been pointing toward from the very beginning.22 Joy, happiness, flourishing, etcetera aren’t the goal of our spirituality, but they’re an undeniable side effect.

To end, here’s one of my favorite quotes from the evangelist George Whitfield:

Is it the end of religion to make men happy, and is it not every one’s privilege to be as happy as he can? Does Jesus want your heart only for the same end as the devil does, to make you miserable? No, the dear Savior desires to make you happy, that you may leave your sins, to sit down eternally with him.23

Amen.

9/10 studies would suggest that relational and familial connection boosts happiness; it’s kind of a sacred cow in academic research at this point in time.

This was an excellent book. Highly recommended for anyone interested in navigating quality information. Alex Edmans, May Contain Lies (Los Angeles, CA: University of California Press, 2024).

Open Science Collaboration, “Estimating the Reproducibility of Psychological Science,” Science 349, no. 6251 (2015): aac4716. Thankfully, since this study came out, there have been a ton of changes made to help guarantee more accurate findings moving forward.

Bryant P. H. Hui, Jacky C. K. Ng, Erica Berzaghi, Lauren A. Cunningham-Amos, and Aleksandr Kogan, “Rewards of Kindness? A Meta-Analysis of the Link Between Prosociality and Well-Being.” Psychological Bulletin 146, no. 12 (2020): 1084–1116.

Philip Brickman, Dan Coates, and Ronnie Janoff-Bulman, “Lottery Winners and Accident Victims: Is Happiness Relative?” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 36, no. 8 (1978): 917–927.

“The low level of political knowledge on the American electorate is still one of the best established findings in social science.” — Ilya Somin, “Political Ignorance in America”, in Mark Bauerlein and Adam Bellow, eds., The State of the American Mind (West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton, 2015), 163-164.

D. Buettner, T. Nelson, and R. Veenhoven, “Ways to Greater Happiness: A Delphi Study,” Journal of Happiness Studies 21 (2020): 2789–2806.

I first heard about this study in Arthur Brooks, The Happiness Files (Cambridge, MA: Harvard Business Review, 2025), 180-184. And for sake of scrutiny, I collapsed 2 of the actual top 10 into other categories, since things like “get regular exercise” seemed superflous given that there’s also “make a habit of physical activity.”

Discussion about this post

Ready for more?