17 Comments
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David Miller's avatar

Great stuff. Others gave me this idea, but have been trying to form habit of pausing to pray for people on Substack when I read. Giving thanks for the gifts God has given other writers.

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Griffin Gooch's avatar

Wonderful idea man I might need to take up that habit too!!

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Scott Misar's avatar

Wow, so good! Some serious wisdom for a digital age. Thanks for sharing Griffin!

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Katie Stacey's avatar

Gratitude is the best cure I’ve found for comparison and jealousy. Last year I wrote down ~20 things a day I was thankful for, including hard things and other people’s victories. It helped me frame all of the situations as things within God’s plan and control.

I’ve gotten out of the habit.

And jealousy is hard again.

And it stinks.

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Griffin Gooch's avatar

That’s such a great idea!! Thank you for sharing!

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Frankie Chocolate's avatar

I rarely have fits of jealousy. I ask God to bring me wealth and fame and if he does I don’t want to have to eat those envious words on toast.

But I do struggle with being a flaming idiot often.

I saw a post in a high school year book on success. “ it’s not enough that I should succeed. Others should fail also.”

There is the human heart in all its glory.

Nice post bro. Well thought out and articulated.

Your bro,

Frankie chocolate

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Meghan Safstrom Fisher's avatar

This is so good, Griffin! My husband and I were just chatting about this and I remembered your essay and pulled it up as we were discussing. May use it with our college students these next few weeks :)

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Griffin Gooch's avatar

Wow that would be such an honor!! These kinds of comments remind me why I enjoy writing and researching stuff in general :) please let me know if you end up using any of it and how it goes! You made my day

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Kathy Young's avatar

Awesome post Griffin! Especially in an age where everyone is seeking to make a platform and a name for themselves, it takes a lot of humility to admit the jealousy we easily succumb to. I love the idea of loosening the grip on our idea of success and genuinely cheering on for others instead 😊

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Griffin Gooch's avatar

Awh thanks so much! I’m so happy you liked it :)

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Lyle Enright's avatar

So glad I'm not the only one noticing the "success x age" problem getting worse and worse.

Honestly, this is part of why I more and more admire writers like Gilles Deleuze and Maurice Blondel who just kinda...shut up. For decades. At least at first.

I don't think it was just to "think" about what they wanted to say; I think they also recognized environments where saying what they wanted to say probably wasn't going to have the returns they wanted. But they also had the foresight to recognize that, if they were going to say anything durable, capitalizing on youth wasn't going to get them there.

Honestly though, this is something that I struggle with in painful ways. I turn 35 this year, and only this year have I really started to question and let go of the deep identity need inside me that I should have "succeeded" (at what, who knows) by now. It felt absolutely imperative...until my kids were born.

Now though, I dunno. I still feel it. Still grieve over it in a lot of ways.

But sometimes the right thing to do isn't figure out the pattern and play into it, it's to sit back and wait for the pattern to change.

(Ok. I'm done. Forgive the essay in your comments!)

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Griffin Gooch's avatar

No man this is a wonderful reflection!! I never knew that about Deleuze or Blondel but that’s so fascinating. And I totally relate to your struggle…that imagined plateau of success is incredibly difficult to shake. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability about it though. I pray we’ll be released from it sooner rather than later. Blessings to you!

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Emily Mann's avatar

Dying to status is a painful deaths to die in the course of following Jesus.

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Katie Donohue Tona's avatar

Well said Griffin! Love that you wrote about this topic.

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Griffin Gooch's avatar

Thanks so much!!

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Mikel Dumlao's avatar

I think "schadenfreude" is what is known here in the Philippines as "crab mentality"—pulling down other people out of nonsense jealousy. Yes, this seems strange, yet common. I'm also prone if I'm not mindful enough. I fell to it many times. TBH.

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Vimal Patel's avatar

Offer a cake instead..

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